Friday Fun: Just like that

Fez Wall

Tommy Cooper was well known
for wearing a Fez on-stage
Photo by matuko amini
Used under Creative Commons

I’ve had this e-mail several times, and it always makes me laugh: Tommy Cooper jokes. I don’t know if they are genuine Cooperisms, but I can certainly imagine him telling them!

Have a laugh as you get ready for the weekend :)

  • Two Aerials meet on a roof – fall in love – get married.
    The ceremony was rubbish but the Reception was Brilliant.
  • Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head.
    Doc says, ‘I’ll give you some cream to put on it.’
  • ‘Doc, I can’t stop singing the green green grass of home.’
    ‘That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.’
    ‘Is it common?’
    ‘It’s not unusual.’
  • A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.
    ‘My dog’s cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?’
    ‘Well,’ says the vet, ‘let’s have a look at him’
    So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
    Finally, he says, ‘I’m going to have to put him down.’
    ‘What? Because he’s cross-eyed? ‘
    ‘No, because he’s really heavy’
  • ‘Doctor, I can’t pronounce my F’s, T’s and H’s.’
    ‘Well you can’t say fairer than that then’
  • Two elephants walk off a cliff…… boom boom!
  • So I went to the dentist.
    He said ‘Say Aaah.’
    I said ‘Why?’
    He said ‘My dog’s died.’
  • So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said, ‘Who’s speaking please?’
    And a voice said ‘You are.’
  • So I rang up my local swimming baths.
    I said ‘Is that the local swimming baths?’
    He said ‘It depends where you’re calling from.’
  • So I rang up a local building firm.
    I said ‘I want a skip outside my house.’
    He said ‘I’m not stopping you.’
  • Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them.
    It’s either my mum or my dad.
    Or my older brother Colin.
    Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu.
    But I think it’s Colin.
  • So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said ‘You’ve been promoted.’
    And I swerved.
    And then he rang up a second time and said ‘You’ve been promoted again.’
    And I swerved again.
    He rang up a third time and said ‘You’re managing director.’
    And I went into a tree.
    And a policeman came up and said ‘What happened to you?’
    And I said ‘I careered off the road.’
  • Now, most dentists’ chairs go up and down, don’t they?
    The one I was in went back and forwards.
    I thought ‘This is unusual’.
    And the dentist said to me, ‘Mr. Cooper, get out of the filing cabinet.’
  • So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me ‘Can you give me a lift?’
    I said ‘Sure, you look great, the world’s your oyster, go for it.’
  • Two cannibals eating a clown. One says to the other, ‘Does this taste funny to you?’
  • Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks.
    They charged one and let the other one off.
  • You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.
    They left a little note on the windscreen; it said ‘Parking Fine.’
    So that was nice.
  • A man walked into the doctors,
    The doctor said ‘I haven’t seen you in a long time’
    The man replied, ‘I know I’ve been ill’
  • A man walked into the doctors,
    he said ‘I’ve hurt my arm in several places’
    The doctor said, ‘well don’t go to those places’
  • I had a ploughman’s lunch the other day.
    He wasn’t very happy.
  • I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
  • I bought some HP sauce the other day.
    It’s costing me 6p a month for the next 2 years.
  • Two blondes walk into a building……….you’d think at least one of them would have seen it.
  • I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn’t reach the meat off the top shelf.
    He said, ‘No, the steaks are too high.’
  • A man came round in hospital after a serious accident.
    He shouted, ‘Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!’
    The doctor replied, ‘I know you can’t, I’ve cut your arms off’.
  • I went to a seafood disco last week…and pulled a mussel.
  • Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly.
    They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can’t have your kayak and heat it.
  • Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other ‘Your round.’
    The other one says ‘So are you, fatso!’
  • Scan to Donate Bitcoin
    Like this? Donate Bitcoin to at:
    Bitcoin 37jTGtDxbNyYznXA19LzQMfobgGuKJSs3f
    Donate

Join us on Facebook

Facebook icon

Declare your geekdom for the world to see... well, the part of the world that's on Facebook anyway.

Visit our Facebook page to keep up to date with the latest Geek-Speak posts right in your Facebook stream, as well as hearing about discounts and offers before they're posted on the site.

What are you waiting for? Head on over and "like" us.

Facebook icon used under CC license

Comments

  1. Sorry to reuse an old post again, guys and gals. I’ve been annoyingly unwell again lately :(

Comment are closed: Sorry, comments are closed on this article. We automatically close comments on older articles to try and cut down on the amount of spam comments being submitted to the site.

If you want to tell us what you think about this article, why not visit our Facebook Page or Subreddit and leave a comment there instead?